Thursday, July 27, 2006

Yet another DBM

Time for another DBM. I am not too sure where is this powerful community of bloggers going with these series of Meets...two and half years and we still figuring out what is the substance of our commune...

Nevermind, I in anycase am always looking forward to all of them. So here is welcoming all delhi Based Bloggers to the meet...its a bit too short notice I know... was decided hurriedly...

The 'others' are also having a meet on Sunday. The twain shall never meet...Such a new genre this 'bloggers' and such lack of unity already.

This is ours XIIth and theirs must be 5th or 6th I don't know. Interestingly we do meets in every two months or so and they do it every month so pretty soon they are gonna outnumber us on the total meets they have had although they started two years after we did. It's not about competition, its about an excellent idea being pre maturely lost into oblivion due to lack of enthusiasm and ambition.

May be I think about it way too much for the reason that blogging and this Blogger's group is one of the best things that has happened to me. I cannot even begin to talk about what all have changed in my life, how I have re-discovered myself ever since I started writing this blog. I was recently on CNN IBN talking bout hte ban on blogs issue. Glimpses of me was on NDTV and was interviewd by The Guardian, Deccan Herald and Indian Express. The hype I got at the last guest lectures at APJ...Can't deny it all feels good... am not at all one of those humble souls for whom fame doesn't matter...

So Cafe Turtle, Khan Market, Lodi, New Delhi is where I would be tomorrow, 29th July at 5 pm meeting some of the delhi based bloggers.

Come along if you are around
Current Song - Mujhe mat roko, mujhe saajan ke ghar jaane do from Gangster.
Don't I always say I am gonna be "gone too soon", time for me to move on please don't hold me back, I like it when you do but let me go...

Monday, July 10, 2006

Remember that old wrapping paper?

It’s been years, you were quite young then, it was your birthday. One of your friends gift wrapped a present for you with that paper. What was the present, I guess you don’t remember anymore, you probably don’t even remember who gifted it, but that wrapping paper was nice. Wasn't too glossy neither was it too colorful, it had a soothing pastel shade which actually doesn't even look much attractive at first sight. In fact, you didn’t even bother to be careful while un wrapping the gift and so it lay tore, twisted and crumpled from all sides as you threw it on the desk adding to the pile of all such wrappers tags etc.

I remember you took note of it only the next morning when your mom was cleaning up the room. She was trashing the paper bits, the deflated balloons, the gift cartons, the chocolate wrappers, the paper plates etc. in the bin, when that wrapper caught your eyes. You quickly took it out of the pile and kept it carefully in your book shelf. You thought it would be of use some day.....may be in a collage or might even be used as a wrapper in case you forget to pick one from the stationary......but then, you lost sight of it.

You had a habit of saving things for later use... And so it too got dumped along with many such small items that you had kept. In your cupboard it lay purpose-less, help less... all it could do is wait... wait for you to some day take a look at it... It kept waiting wishing and praying you pick it up someday with a smile and give it the worth for which you originally saved it... days passed, months rolled, turned into years and went by but the wait seemed to be never ending. The cupboard seemed to be filled with more and more such stuffs... it was pushed towards the bottom, deep down it tried to remain in sight but couldn't.

Are you looking for it today? Is it that wrapper that you are crazily searching all over your room, in your cupboard, book shelf, lofts, old paper bags, old ragged files...and you can't find it. I can see you sweating and exasperating, you are so sure you kept it right there on that inner cabinet but it’s not there anymore. You are getting more and more irritated for you just can't figure out where it went.

Oh c'mon why don't you get it? You simply lost it. You won't find it ever. Wonder what made you think you will continue ignoring something, which you once thought was precious, and it will still be yours.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Thus Speak Me

"Give me my share of tears and I shall leave you alone"

These golden words, refelecting upon my penultimate wisdom, which is given to me by all mightly to save the world of all its misery, are framed in the wonderful invention called Yahoo 360 under the series "Thus speak Me". So keep visiting my Yahoo page for more of these quotable quotes uttered by this fascinating personality at those rare glorious moments I reach after sufficient amount of vodka and rum...

Disclaimer: Image

Purity of Gold not guranteed.

Definition of wisdom you are free to form your own.

Misery shall not include those hazards occured by reading my words.


Friday, July 07, 2006

No, you are not out of my mind. There isn't a single 'free' moment of the day when I don't think of you, you are the first thought when I wake up, you are the last when I sink in sleep. Just that you don't know, and you would never know coz I won't ever tell you what's in my mind unless you ask me.

Took me 6 years to find, and probably for the first time in true sense, a man who appeared to be some one I can spend time with...wanted to be with you, thought we can give it a try, thought we would be good for each other, but you turned me down. And then my dreams were broken. And the only thing that's real in my life embraced me with warm open arms. My pain.

You were very fond of reading this blog. Every now and then everything I said you said "I know, read it on your blog". You read everything, you knew everything and still you went ahead and did exactly what they all have been doing......... you left me in the middle of no where with endless questions and no answers....... you never felt it was necessary to have a talk... I opened my heart to you layer by layer... and you remained silent like a stone...indifferent to everything I said.... kept me wondering.... why? Why didn't you stop me? Why did you on the contrary did things to encourage my feelings?

And now, with every passing day of your indifference towards me the wound is only getting deeper and deeper... you are always there in my mind reminding me of my defeat, what is it that I don't have, why is it that I failed to even be a "friend" of yours... True you said we'd be friend but there is an ocean of difference in saying and doing. Action speaks louder. I am nothing more than a mere aquaintance to you...... some one you smile at if you accidentally bump into... every day you make me feel how lonely i am... you make me feel I am not worth considering... I am not worth spending time with.... so you see you are never out of my mind...

But that doesn't mean I can't pretend I am over you..... I am good at that. I will pretend like nothing happend so that 'you' don't feel uncomfortable when we meet in a common group. I will pretend that it was just a convinient crush which got over as things became inconvinient. I will pretend I wasn't hurt and everything is just the way it should be. With time we shall drift apart...... words unspoken, questions un-answered will forever remain with me.....


The purpose of starting this blog could never be any more justified than this post that I worte today. I took a look at the series of events with him, how we met and how I felt, how hopes were build and dreams were weaved, how smiles were planted on my face and everybody around me, how I spent my time being happy about every sms he sent (which he now calls as 'kidding myself') how with every small step I became more and more sure about me standing a chance with him and so I told him bout my felling and what happened next...... I wrote a blog post in each of those moments... my initial apprehension that it was just a mirage, my dilemma whether I should tell him or not, my final decision that I won't tell him, how I decided to give him hints, told him "I wrote this testimonial for you"........ and today at the end of it all this post only proves how uncertain and short lived it was... As always.
The reason I wasn't blogging for some time was becoz I couldn't have helped writing this post and I didn't want him to that considerable time has passed I am hoping he won't visit here any more... but if you do..... then well what can I say.... This is my truth... you gotta handle it.