Friday, April 29, 2005

Just another day

It was just another day at work
My desk was not organized and
My boss been acting like a jerk

On my desk I see files piling
hardly leaving any space
For the coffee mug to be placed
My copier isn’t fixed yet and
My trash can overloaded.

The guy from the street giving me all the bad news
Of how the bull been hit by the bear
The pack ran out of cigarettes
and it aint a good time for a beer.

Deadlines are always such a pain in the ass
No matter how much I chase I seem to never meet the target,
And could never get rid of the gloomy phase.

To top it all I have all the men at work
Staring at my cleavage
And I see all the girls so jealous as to kill me out of rage

Just when I was thinking I am gonna give it all up
Some one flashed round the corner
Suddenly the wind blew,
suddenly a sweet smell was spread
Suddenly a flower bloomed,
suddenly a nightingale sung
Suddenly Shakespeare recited his favorite poem
Suddenly Mozart composed his eternal tune.

It was the thought of you, which changed it all
The sweet things you said last night
Flashed across my mind
And I knew there’s someone to pick me up if I fall

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Some one commented that we blog for our own plesure and it doesn't really matter whether people read what we write or not. Well I don't think so. And of course like all times I have no scarcity of Thoughts when i come to think of as to why we blog

"Writing Comes so easily When you've got Some thing to say". The rest of the thought would presumably be "but no one to listen". At least that's why I write (lets talk of blogging here, shall we? to be more precise).

I am making this guess that most of us here in this blogworld are here to flaunt their writing skills. Although one of the most repetitive liners from the blog creator, coming as a response to the comments left in praise at the end of each post, is that “most of what I write is my random thought I wonder how you all find it interesting”. Quite a humble response I must say but honestly I don’t think its an honest line. Some where deep down when you say those words you have this feeling of re-affirmation which puts a faint little smile round the corner of your lips. True they are random thoughts, but then not every Tom, Dick and Harry can put their random thoughts into a smart, crisp, witty, intelligent and touching combination of words. Can they?? Or for that matter not every (read those three names I just took here) have random thoughts. One got to be a thinker to have thoughts. Thinking in itself is an Art an inborn Talent. Besides thinking is good, but sharing your thoughts with the world out there is even better. I have started to blog inorder to reach out. Off late i had begin to realize that there's just a handful of people I know. My contact list is so short. This wen I am the kind of person whose hobby is to talk to strangers in places like a public Q or a public transport etc. So I thought may be I will be able to increase the radius of my friends circle this way (blog).
Talking about thoughts trust me I can’t think of any thing more right now on this topic. As abrupt and end it might be but it’s better than going on for no reason. G&R been telling me for so long “every body need some time all alone”. So I better not try to get inside the mind of you bloggers and find out why you blog. :-x

I am sure plenty of you bloggers out there would not be agreeing with me. As a matter of fact you would hold an opinion which is the complete opposite of what we know as being ‘agree’. So do drop me few lines on your grounds of disagreement.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

My thirst for adventure, variety and experimentation has forced me to put myself at such a cross road from where I can see two great roads ahead, one never meeting the other, never intercepting, both equally attractive, and am totally perplexed as to which one to choose???????? time is running out.......................and i gotta take the decision fast......tick-tock tick-tock.

Time for a big career move. The two identities having a tough fight inside of me, one trying to overpower the other. The 'Corporate Bitch', the 'Social Activist' While in my mind they fought my poor body managed to do all the days work without the mind. My eyes and hands did a good job pulling it through on their own. They worked without any supervision. My Stomach is a little laid back. It needs that push from the boss. So i didnt have any thing all day.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

You Never Called

Gone are the days
when my phone used to ring
And a sweet caring voice used to touch a string in my heart
As I would pick up the receiver and say ‘hello’

A face of an angel used to flash in front of my eyes
As you would say ‘hello’ putting colors in my life
My heart would start pounding and My soul will take a leap
As you would take my name in a soft sensual and stammering way
And as we build up a conversation
I’d begin a journey with you
To an exotic locale
Deep through ocean, past over the mountains,
Streets of beauty love destination
Probably In the Atlantic or the Arctic
Just the two of us holding hands together

As we go on I'd feel life couldn’t be better
Wishing and hoping we could stay like this forever
Then we would feel it’s been a while
Time is knocking at the door
Saying its time to say 'bye'
Receivers will be put down at both ends
Suddenly I'd know Yet another splendid moment spent with my soulmate,
Just passed by

Now there is a killing silence between us
I don’t know why
If I could turn back and stop time
I would have never let you put down the phone saying “OK bye”
I have found a simple formula to be happy in life.

Remember the famous poet who said "A thing of beauty is a joy forever" and then the other great poet said "beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder". Now when we equate the two we get a beholder who can find beauty in everything around him and thus is joyful.

So to be joyful find beauty and its upto your eyes to find beauty...Simple isnt it.

A Gift for my friend

A friend of mine is getting married next week, here's a poem i wrote not for her, i wrote it two years back when another friend was getting married. I realized I have the same feelings towards this friend as well. Then I realized I have all my friends getting married one after the other. Then I realized I dont actually loose them as friends although at the verge of they getting married i and even they think the friendship is lost.

At the dawn of you making a whole new world,
With the man you chose
a time so emotional yet so conditional,
time that you have been waiting for so long,
a time so scary and so strong,
a time to say the unspoken and yet it’s the time to let silence speak
it’s the time when you can let your imagination run wild time when you leave your system stirred and lead without a mind
at such a time, I who have seen it all,
been through all your rise and fall,
the beginning and the ending,
the day you met the day you felt
all the laughter all the tears,
the storm and the twister
the spring summer autumn and winter,
the days at our school the days at the job,
time quietly spent time we broke the rules
I was always there to share every splendor,
You my friend had make that happen,
you made me a part of you
Thanks my friend for making me feel so special,
the way you do,
As you open the door of your new life,
we would be distant,
But these memories will always be there to treasure.

Here are my heart-felt wishes my friend,
for a fairy tale that lasts forever with joy and laughter.
Yesterday while on my way to office I was thinking a lot about my future. Was trying to draw a picture of myself five years from now. I have this uncanny fear in me of voluntarily being some one, which the other part of me doesn’t want to be. I always have known I have a dual personality but there are only certain times when I realize the extent to which both the personality prevail in me. One of these two personalities aspires to be this workaholic, smart sexy corporate lawyer. One, who can go to any extent to realize her dreams and fulfill her ambition. This is not only my dream or desire but also a real part of me. I can be all that if I want and sometimes I do become this person. Those times I buy clothing and accessory accordingly I think and act accordingly. Presently I am under the influence of this personality. At the same time I am worried about the possibility of the other person taking over this one. The other person is the woman in me. The woman for whom all that matters is a great man to love and be loved in return. When under the influence of this woman I want to be a good wife and daughter in law so that every one loves me. I am nice to every body around me I am shy timid. I keep a low profile I would want to be taken care of. I want my future husband to be a strong support who can take charge of things. It doesn’t matter to me if he doesn’t cares that I am a smart intelligent lawyer, if he doesn’t put me up in a pedestal. I know the person I am. Once given a responsibility I would carry it till my grave. I am not amongst those women who can in the attempt of balancing there careers and marriage would shrug off certain responsibility screwing up both not doing justice to either. I cant do that. If I marry I would fulfill all my duties as a wife mother etc. And I am afraid of this woman in me who might give up her career in order to take care of her family. I am afraid of being overpowered by the woman. I am aware of the possibilities of being overpowered given the fact that I am so confused as to what exactly I want from my life. Tomorrow it may happen that I suddenly find my true love my, soul mate, go overboard and get married. If it happens before I have found that high flying Job in corporate sector the chances of me ever getting there might just be jeopardized. Being lazy having a laid back attitude I might tell myself “what the heck I have found this great hubby so why the hell should I work now lemme just njoy every moment of the loving and caring. But I know I would not be happy for too long this way either. It’s one thing of believing in something and then your believe suddenly changing with circumstances but still you find happiness in the changed state. For me it doesn’t work this way. I know I would not be happy for too long in one thing I constantly need a change, some thing new. I should always have my option open. Option of switching to the workaholic. The most crucial factor in this whole apprehension of future possibility of MPD attacks is that I have to get into that serious business, that serious job with immense responsibility which I wouldn’t be able to shrug off even if the woman in me want to. If I don’t get into it right now it may never happen. So shoo all you men. I don’t need you in my life right now. First let the workaholic get sick and tired of work. Go away and see me after atleast 2 years. I don’t need no man in my life right now.

I must be Happy

Presently I am looking for a new start
You’ve been a great person
So I am not all in tears
If you’ll catch me in couple of years
You’ll See
My life is just the way it needs to be
Nice job, couple of kids and a husband
Who knows, when exactly you are happy
Is it the good food or the movie,
The car or the painting on your wall,
Is it the kids playing in the backyard
Or their father who won’t let them fall
Well for me It’s the one who originally meant to be
But you know that’s only me

Monday, April 11, 2005

Sometimes in life I have these moments when I feel low without reason. I had my life going all smooth, with every thing falling in the right place but then suddenly a pain in the stomach and a dizziness engulfing my body and mind. Don’t want to eat or sleep not do any thing. I try to find an answer but don’t know the question. I am suddenly going through that moment today. It’s a time when I want to be with some one but don’t know who. But then i guess all goes through this feeling some time or the other. There is so much you want to do, so much you want to speak and then you feel all have been said and done and there’s nothing more that you can do.

So you want to give up, but do you remember what was it that you were trying for? This is the time you wish you were a poet, so you could write famous lines or a musician so you could compose the greatest of all songs, the song of your soul. Well at the same time, if I am not wrong, you would be surprisingly not interested in any damn poem or song. “No poet can feel the way I feel” “what do they know about what I am going through?”, you tell yourself.

What do I do when I pass through these strange moments? Well I sit down with a pen and a diary and do exactly what I am doing. Write the way I am feeling. I don’t want to think about any thing its late at night and I don’t know what would make me feel better. But I know one thing for sure. Tomorrow I gotta go to work and that these moments would passé. That at my work I would forget all about what I want, what I don’t have, who hurt me, who left me… … I would be as usual busy in my work forgetting all the uncanny feelings until the next time when I feel the same. When will that be...soon

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Some day again

Here's some thing I wrote in my 26th summer. It was One bright sunny morning when I thought "its been long we called each other. Wonder what is he doing. Why didnt call me all these days? We spend such wonderful moments last christmas and then suddenly he disappeared. May be I should call." So I called him and found out that the man on the otherside of the line was a married man.

Some day, again in the middle of the night
In my empty bed with my empty thoughts
I will remember you, I know
‘That is it then’, goodbye I said today,
But I will be blue again someday
will that hurt me so, that I don’t let you go?
No I say,
You can go like the morning always leaves the evening
and never meets the night
While the night never quite passes the dawn,
never gets to touch the morning light.
Someday again I’ll think of you,
but not with pain
There are things I will remember all my life
only to recollect them all of a sudden
On one such lonely dark night
When the world around me would seem to be empty
and there is no where else my thoughts could tread
I will think of thee

The First step

this is my first post, i am trying out this blog to share my strange but wonderful, bizarre but happy life with everyone out there. I have seen 28 winters so far. Although not very successful and happening but my life has been great a roller coaster ride so far and i am pretty sure i have a lot of interesting things to share. i take life as an experience and an experiment. i constantly thrive for change and novelty. i havent met many people of my type and hope to meet them thru my blog. if any one out there finds my posting interesting get in touch.
All of u watch out for this space cause you gonna get a peep in my life and its gonna be a one heck of an experience.

"Truth is stranger than Fiction". I strongly believe in these lines. I also have done some value addition to it. Truth not only is stranger but can also be far more scary and bewildering than fiction. Whosoever said these words must have been a person as bewildered and confused as I am trying to handle truth. What is ‘truth’? Its something that’s there, has occurred or is occurring right at this moment. I was born is a truth, the earth is revolving is also a truth. Something that’s bound to occur - truth. For eg. Sun shall rise tomorrow, or the water in the ocean shall still be there tomorrow. Truth is sometimes known to us. Things we know as a matter of fact or matter of our senses. Rose smells sweet is a truth. Sky is blue is a truth. It can be a combination of things we know and we don’t. JFK died. He was murdered, a truth who killed him? We don’t know. But someone did kill him that’s the truth even though we would never know who. Coming to ‘Fiction’. Fiction is something that we imagine. Free from all inhibitions. There is no limit to how much one can tread into the world of imagination. I am free to imagine that I was born with wings but my parents thought it wouldn’t be a good idea have such a charming daughter with wings so they snapped them off. So I wont fly away. I can also imagine that one fine day I wake up and find that I live in a room with walls made of roses roof made of silvery grey clouds and floor made of turquoise water. Strange it is. How strange can our thought process become while we create a fictitious world. I can throw a challenge to one and all. I’ll give all of you a situation and then will ask you to make your imagination run as wild as you possibly can. Lets see how strangely can you think. Then in the end I will tell you my truth. Truth that I can bet will defy all fiction. Truth that you haven’t read in books, or read in mythologies and legends, truth that no poet wrote about or no painter painted