passing thoughts

I start thinking of thoughts for my posts. Couldn't think of any so I thought I better would visit some other blogs. It has somehow become a self imposed duty to leave a comment everytime I read a post (I hope all blogger's start having that sense of duty) As I begin to compose a comment ideas begin to mushroom in my brain. I quickly wanna finish the comment and come back to my blog to pour all that thoughts down. I realize its so much more difficult to have a lonely mind doing all the thinking and so much easier when you have more and more point of view coming together to create your own outlook. I realize how difficult it is for me to spend time with my lonely mind.

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One of my reader asked me if I ever have thought of becoming a journalist. Have I?.....Did I ever think of becoming any thing at all? I try to trace back my memory lane.........

When it was time for me to really make a career choice I couldn't think of becoming any thing at all. I had extremely low self-esteem, I thought I was good for nothing, I hugely lacked in confidence I was a scared soul. That was at my 10+2 level. Prior to that when it was time for me to choose my stream I was too lousy and had no mind at all. I still remember the day i exercised my choice. We were supposed to fill a form and stand in the respective Qs namely Humanities and Science. Mom told me repeatedly to take up science. So here I was standing in this Q surrounded by supposedly studious girls, with specs on their nose, blowing an air of attitude, their face demonstrated "I don't know you. My mumma told me to not to talk to strangers. I only study and score good. I don't watch chitrahaar. I only watch World this Week (Door Darshan was the only source of entertainment at that time). I don't break rules. I don't talk or laugh loudly when I am in public place. I don't talk to cheesy boys. I don't play 'gallery' or 'help chain' or 'lock & key' I only play chess and scrabble.

I so didn't wanna be a part of this group. My heart started calling me. The wilderness, the rebels, the path breakers, the pioneers from the pages of history started calling me. I looked at the other Q where coincidentally all my classmates were...making noise, giggling so much that they could barely stand straight. I wanted to be with them. Slowly and silently i changed Q............ thereby taking the most important decision of my career.

Today I wear a specs, read a lot, play all sort of games, rebel and raise my voice in some of the most unwanted situations, freak out at night, talk and laugh loudly in public, keep it very reserved at work, catch Govinda flicks and Clint Eastwood's dramas with equal enthusiasm, find out methods to legally break the law at work and go deep in thoughts on my blog..........wait a min........Have I made an insoluble mixture of my life???

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This stupid blogging is making me feel more and more nostalgic and lonely. Here's some more nostalgia.

Fun we had at school

Tried smoking, successfully did, on a chilled early January day standing under the last neem tree in the play ground. The only cover was that if any one sees from a distance she will think its the winter fog out of our mouth.

Checked out how a condom looks like....I didn't like it.

Our economics mam used to be the most strict. We used to cheat the most in her exams. It involved a lot hard work dont take it as easy. In a row of 3 students in each bench I used to sit in the middle with the book on my lap. The binding of the book have been taken off so now its just a bunch of hundreds of pages. Each topic has then been manually clipped with multicoloured gensclip (that's what we call them right). Pappy on my left used to be my partner in crime (she is gonna be a mommy this Aug). She used to keep a track of the colour of the clips. Oh yes they had some significance. Colour as per the topic. My job was to copy it. And they would both peep in my copy and write it. Mady on my right is weak at sight. She used to get very angry if I didn't dictiate her what I was writing.

We were once black listed (to be suspended) for having literally jumped off the school wall and go out on dates.