Some times you gotta give a little piece of your mind to people.........lest they start taking you too forgranted. I went to Nagpur for an interview in an NGO. They have sent me an offer letter yesterday and this is what I mailed them today...........Read on........

Dear Madam,

This is to let you know that I have received your offer letter for the post of Documentalist. I have to regretfully mention here that the amateurish way in which the interview process have been handled so far by your organization is not expected from an Esteemed organization like YUVA.

As you are aware I had applied for and was called for the interview for the post of Project Coordinator, Para Legal Studies. I applied for the said post given my particular interest, field level experience and expertise over the subject 'Para Legal Studies'. In the face to face interview dated 7th February 2006 with the Executive Director it was deduced that my inability to follow Marathi Language is the only hindrance as far as Documentation of the Project Activities were concerned. Given my Legal Background, my personal contacts with the socio-legal experts and my work experience I am confident I could have contributed exceptionally to the project 'Para Legal Studies' and taken it to a higher level.

However it seems there has been a misunderstanding between what I thought you were looking for in the candidate and what you were actually looking for. As per our telephonic conversation post interview I was told by you that I do not have enough experience of documentation, it is surprising that you are now offering me a post of Documentalist, a post for which I did not apply. I also do not understand why would the organization need an Advocate with almost 4 years of experience for the post of Documentalist.

Further, it seems there has been a communication gap regarding the remuneration. I had clearly mentioned my expectation, so as to avoid any confusion in the later stage, and decided to come down for the interview to Nagpur only after you agreed to offer a package of Rs. ******/-.

Everybody's time is precious. If we do not have clear perceptions and proper focus everybody's time shall be wasted. It seems YUVA's perceptions regarding the Post, the pre-requisite qualifications, the job profile and the remuneration was not very clear.

I hope we associate with each other for a more appropriate post and project in the future.

Please Forgive my Honesty.

Thanks and Regards

Going through a strange feeling today.

Going out to a weekend trip to Jim Corbett National Park with the Lets Go group. This is our first backpacking. Mostly new members are going the original members have long disassociated themselves from the group. I wasn't also bothering to initiate any activity...couldn't think of anyone to form a enjoyable team... Suddenly these new bunch of nice super-active enthusiastic guys have joined the group, Snigdha along with these new people arranged the trip...I am very exited...love these kinda trips...

But there is one thought in mind, one feeling...apprehension...of loss. Whenever I go out to such trips I find someone special, last it was Shashant, before that it was Munish...we start of great..become inseperable on the trip...as if we were friends for years...but then at the end of the trip I can never hold on to whatever I found...

Munish never spoke to me after we returned from Vizag, I never asked he never said anything. We continued being at the same organisation sitting next to each other for another month but we never spoke...He again joined my next organisation worked there of one whole month...we pretended to be strangers..still remember that day when I was missing the good old days, was feeling low, keeping quiet...Manoj figured out something was worng with me and kept insisting to know what was it...I told him "I am missing someone I lost", he offered all sort of help to find out my lost property, "who is he? you have his number? Give me, I will talk to him, your other friends must be having contacts with him... what happened, how can you people not even be in talking terms..." All the while Munish was standing right next to us and Manoj didn't have a clue...That's the bizzare truth of my life I keep referring to....wonder what would have been Manoj's reaction if I would have told him the person who we were talking about was standing right next to us...

With Shashant, I kept on thinking what can go wrong, what is going to screw this friendship up...couldn't figure out anything...but then he was based in Bombay when we met...and Now he is in Dubai, although we are as close as we can be and keep in touch through messenger but its never the same given the distance...

Today once again I am going through this feeling, what is it that is going to screw us up? Met this guy couple of days back...we are going on the trip together. He is just the kind of guy I get along well...Of what I know him, fits into the definition of my ideal man perfectly, is based in Delhi, we have become good friends, I know we gonna have a good time in the trip, but then what will that be which will ruin everything...i know there will be something...just wonder what

Writing this post just to reaffirm how short lived and predictable is the end of all my relationships...will come back and write how and what screwed up... Going for something knowing its never gonna last....such an act of bravery, which I do all the time.
------------------------------
Addendum (Post Corbett Trip)

Surprisingly, nothing went wrong, nothing got screwed...and nothing went overboard either.
Current Mood : Happy
Health : Not well
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Addendum II (3rd March 2006)

Writing this blog has become a risky affair. A lot of people who know me personally are also reading my blog. Its not a good idea to write just about any and everything cause people ask questions. The guy bout which I am talking in this post has raised quite a few eyebrows and some major curiosity amongst the Corbett trippers...who is this guy?? I promised the fellow trippers I would put up a clarification but now when I am actually adding this addendum, I am thinking why should I put up an explanation? For what purpose? Only that much is meant to be public as much as I write rest.......all the readers are free to assume whatever they want to......for the simple reason that it doesn't matter........doesn't matter who he is that guy? doesn't matter what I am feeling? Doesn't matter anything to anybody, not even to that guy... Its not the same person the one you met in real and the one you meet here on the blog....so don't try to relate the two...

So don't wonder and don't ask me anything either...

Autobiography...in bits and pieces

Having read this ...

A lot of music lovers here (where doesn't matter) have been entertained by one talented singer called Adnan Sami. I have liked his songs once in a while too...But there is some thing about him that bothers me. His music videos.

Quite a few number of his video features him and some of the most gorgeous bollywood actresses in an romantic atmostphere singing and dancing. Adnan is exceptionally overweight. And the actresses are obviously have figures. Now this fact, about our entertainment industry, that beauty of a woman is directly co related to her vital statistics and it just doesn't matter how good is the body of her male counterpart is, disturbs me. Just try to recall have you ever seen a fat female been paired with a worked out male. Why can't these video directors get real..if you gotta feature amisha patel why not put Hrithik against her...why Adnan...or better still feature me next to Adnan

Women is to beauty and men is to money. Why do we have this concept. I am a survey person. Research and survey is my hobby and I got it from my own tryst with this thing men say "Beauty is not the main thing". Oh c'mon, it so is. I used to believe it earlier and then I was disillusioned. Once, and then, and then again and again. Finally I got tired...

{Flash Back}

I have always known I am one of the ugliest people born. At least I, haven’t seen a face, uglier than mine. Am not doing self pity. Am just aware of the truth. A fact is a fact. And ya, there have been times when I have been a little upset about this fact but that’s not self pity. I am proud of myself in quite many ways and I know I am an wonderful person.

Right from that age when we start having petty crushes on the opposite sex I knew my life is not gonna be the same as every other girl. In those days when I was in my teens we didn’t have this parallel universe called internet. At that time, Co-ed Schools, Tuition classes, morning/evening walks in the neighborhood park, social gatherings, common parties, neighborhood activities, religious get-togethers these were the places where teen age kids used to meet and express their interest in each other. Exchange of sweet gestures, a glance or two or may be a flower. A pink letter written in innocent hand writing saying “I see you on your way to school everyday, can we be friends?” Come Valentine’s day, Rose day, Friendship day and I used to see these cute girls hiding flowers, stuff toys, greeting cards in their school bag. I used to see their joyful, victorious smile. “I am one rose up you” they used to smug. None of these ever happened to me. Presumably for the simple reason that from a distance just by looking at me no one was interested. Of course if one comes close to me gets to know me I am one of the most fascinating person. But then in teens who tries to get to know. I knew this and I had accepted the way things were. I was never too lonely to bother about it anyway.

I studied in a Girls school and a Girls college so all through the best days of my life I only had female friends. By the way, to all parents, it isn’t a very advisable thing for any kid. Anyway so we used to have a big group of friends. All cool n bindaas girls and I used to be the leader of the pack. Was everybody’s Sanju Boss. But before even Sanju Boss had her day I used to be a shy introvert kid hugely suffering from inferiority complex. Eventually I realized I wasn’t meant to catch attention easily, knew I had to be different to get that. And there started a never-ending eccentricity of being off track. I started breaking out of the usual patterns. 9^th Standard onwards was born Sanju Boss, hated by the good students (the winners), liked by the mediocre students (the runner ups) and worshiped by the back benchers (the loosers) I was and am the Leper Messiah.

To be more precise there happened an incident to trigger this change, some thing happened, something that changed my life, for good.

I had liked this guy for some couple of years. A neighborhood guy I used to always watch him play cricket in the colony ground. For couple of years I only liked him and then I felt this urge of being with him. I am comfortable doing this. I can go on liking someone without ever telling him. There is this man, the most good looking guy I have ever seen, I have been admiring him, his good looks, his mannerisms, his style his everything for almost 16 years now and he doesn’t have a clue. He is Nitai…would talk about him some other day.

So I liked this guy and have now decided to tell him that. I have always played an agony aunt to all my friends. Have helped them write love letters, doing the ground work by giving the guy a call and talk, you know we didn’t have sms and chat those days. Of course I didn’t get any kind of help from them when it was my turn, which is understandable, if they knew how to help they would have helped themselves. So what I did is write a letter to this guy, Jaspal, in the best of my handwriting, actually put it in a pink envelop and post it to his friend, Ashwini’s address. The letter carried my feelings for Jaspal, said, “I like you and would want to be with you. Can you please meet me on so and so date, outside my school, after my school is over?” But it didn’t reveal my identity. For that he had to meet me. I can still feel the mental unrest that I was going through while I was writing, affixing the stamp, dropping it in the letter box. That evening, standing in my balcony, I saw him reading the letter and his friends circling around him, every heartbeat was like the beating of drums…every moment was passed in a strange sensation.

Finally, the day came, 7^th of Jan. He and Ashwini was there in front of the main gate of my school. Since morning that day I had written another letter to him to be handed over when we meet in person. Can’t remember what all did this letter contain, the main point was “I am ready for a rejection and this is what I have to say to you while you reject…” and I remember it was something very emotional, had poured my heart out on paper.

Feets trembling, butterflies in stomach, throat drying up, voice weakening body still some how managed to walk up to him, extending my hands for a shake and with a wide smile on my face I spoke in a shivering voice “hi it was me who wrote that letter calling you here”. He didn’t shook hands. He gave me a look of disgust. My hands were still extended and the smile still there…I said, “can we be friends?” He didn’t say anything but shook his head in negation. I pulled my hands back tried to hold on to the smile, which was about to vanish. I held out the letter I had written, he wasn’t ready to take it. Ashwini took the letter and I just ran away from there and got into my school bus. I don’t know if rejection feels the same way to all…I was shattered. For almost a month my life was in ruins. I wanted to hide my face from him and everybody else who is related to him. It felt like I was raped. Humiliation. I never wanted to stay in that locality anymore. I started walking with my heads down. I used to cover my face as much as I could with my muffler when he was around. I lost appetite, couldn’t concentrate on my studies, all I could do was feel ashamed of myself, hate myself, curse myself for making a self mockery in front of him and his friends. Gradually I realize he has been decent enough to not make it public, and if at all he made it public may be his friends were decent enough to not give me that look, “oh she is the girl”.

A month later when I started getting back into normal routine, I wrote an entry in my diary. “I would never ever do it again. I would try to be a daughter my dad would be proud of. No more of this non-sense… I would never ever think of this stupid romance thing.” Incidentally dad read that entry and said, “I am glad you didn’t even give me an opportunity to scold ya”.

Everything changed after that. For years altogether I never had another crush. I killed the shy girl in me. Girls aren’t supposed to have crushes and fall for guys. It’s them who are supposed to fall for us… “Fall, keep falling, go deep down as deep as you can, never rise up again, I don’t give a damn, got no time for ya, you ain’t the only one falling for me and certainly you don’t deserve me.”

But I couldn’t keep my promise. Fell for another guy…

{Fash Back Ends}

I have now picked up this habit of surveying how many more men invariably say it and they invariably don't follow it. Like I said, research and survey is like my hobby

My Survey tool - Yahoo Messenger, Email, telephone, cell phone, sms, my Blogs, internet portals...etc.. Some of my Case Studies coming up. More tryst with the men kind also coming up.

29th Birthday

Morning

Hi, its my birth day tody. Cool. So whats the plan for the evening. No plans. I am going through the usual feel-low-on-birthday syndrome. Birthday is always a day which makes me feel low. It reminds me of all the things I wanted to achieve by this date but failed…of all those people who have forgot me, those who don’t keep in touch anymore, of all the friends who are there but don’t care to arrange a party for me, of people whose birthday I remember but who forgot to even wish me, of my singlehood…birthday is basically a day of bad remembrance.

Ideally friend's should be celebrating the fact that I was born, rather than I myself arrange a party call everybody and tell them hey guess what? I was born let's celebrate. And my friends, forget about celebration they won't even get a gift for me if I don't throw a party. And I am not throwing a party for such friends any more. Not all of them though, I'd say Snigdha and kreeti are exceptions.

Sis didn't wish. Asked Dino out yesterday and he turned me down. Haven't wished me yet. Me going out alone somewhere now...would come back and frown more about my syndrome
----------------------------------------
One memorable birthday

There was this time when I had a huge crush on this guy Sujit. I thought it was love back then, though now when I look back, I don’t think it was. Anyway, so he didn’t wish me all through the day. I was sad. Do I not deserve this much? I asked myself in the evening. Just when my eyes were about to be wet the landline rang and I picked up the phone. It was him on the line asking for the location of my house. He was there for me with a surprise visit and a nice gift. I was overwhelmed. “I love surprises” I had told him earlier. I wanted to run and hug him when I opened the door. Madhu and her then boyfriend (now husband) came over too. We had a small party.

Sujit got married lives at a distance of 15 min from my place. Haven’t seen him for more than 4 years now. I remember his birthday every year. Wonder if he remembers mine.
-----------------------
Midnight

Didn't move an inch from home all day. Was thinking of going out somewhere but felt unenthusiastic. Didn't meet anybody. All day spent in front of this stupid computer. No gift, no cards from nowhere, not even a cake. Was expecting a gift from sis. The least that she could do was say sorry that she didn't get any gift. Instead, what I got from her was her fundas (read shitty crap) on how gifts mean nothing, are actually for teenagers, am no longer in a age to expect gifts on birthday, "Just cause its your birthday doesn't mean I have to get a gift for you."

I recalled all those times gone by, each year I would think of a new surprise, would plan a month ahead and put all my energy time and resource to make her feel special. She was a kid then. Now she has grown up. Have her set of believes and understanding. Doesn't matter if I expect her to get me a gift, if she thinks its immature so it is. On her 16th birthday I made 16 colorful cards and hid them in 16 places in the house. Her and her friend's job was to find out all the cards each had a new message. The entire baccha party was so busy doing that and it was so much fun.

Another time most probably her 13th birthday, she was wanting to buy a music album of then popular band 'Aqua'. For months I kept telling her no they don't make good music, no point buying their album. She gave up hope of ever having that album. On the special day before she could even wake up I played the album at full blast. She went crazy with joy as she woke up to the tunes of 'Be Happy'. There was so much of love and emotion in the air. With time she has become mature and reserved. I can't see her emotions anymore and I am always wondering "are there any?"

One thing led to another and I had to cry. I only cry when I have a fight at home. The only people who can get tears to my eyes are my family for the simple reason that they are the only ones from whom I have some expectations. Let a 100 people forget my birthday I won't be as hurt as when 100s of them rembers but just one person from family forgets it.

That's how relationships are. Painful and complicated. You get hurt because you have expectations. But if you don't have expectations what good is that relationship.

Dino called at the end of the day. Knew he would. Sumit called from Bombay made me really really happy. Vipul and Gundeep called. Manoj smsd. Amit looking at my plight in the morning offered to take me out for a dinner. I, acting like a real jerk made him go around in stupid circle and then decided on a time and venue, only to cancell it at the nick of time. But whatever his sincere efforts to cheer me up made me really happy. Spoke to him for the first time. That guy talks so fast in so many languages. Shashant and Sri forgot. I smsd shashant and called sri. TF called in the evening to re confirm the venue for the xth DBM. She didn't know it was my birthday. Seema has been upset with me for a long time. She called too. Sid and Me sat online and told each other bout our special day. It was his birthday too. One sweet surprise call from Priya

Couldn't help thinking about MJ particularly towards the evening. Wish time had stopped back then on 23rd January 2004, few minuites past midnight, Durg.

That's how it was...my 29th birthday. Shit another year spent in vain.
------------------------------------------
Addendum

Ok this is real bad...Riddhi especially came online to wish me at sharp 12, she also sent me an e-card and yet her name is in not in the list of those who wished...even more bad.. she left a comment reminding me about that fact to which I said "I would put an addendum"...I didn't do that...Now what's worse is, she still loves me...Its exactly this kinda unconditional love that one should be careful of...you always end up hurting these people the most...While you were sulking about having no one to care for you...some one was there standing with a smile giving her/his every thing and you didn't even notice...

Thanks Riddhi...love you too girl...

We are celebrating the 2nd Anniversary of Delhi Blogger's Meet on Sunday 29th of January @ Cafe Coffe Day, CP from 4 pm onwards.

We would be discussing the following

1. Blogging viz. Creative Writin
2. Blogging viz. Mainstream Media
3. Blogging viz. Adverstising Tool

If you are a delhi wala who blogs and you want to contribute on any of the above topics we would love to hear from you. All are invited.

For any weird, stupid or silly question that might arise at your mind regarding this meet contact Me at the comments section or write to me personally at samyukta_basu[at]yahoo[dot]com. Am also available on Yahoo IM (samyukta_basu) and G Talk (samyukta.basu)

So see you there on sunday...

Tried my hand at absurd poetry as a writing exercise on Caferati...

Absurd?
Yeah absurd
Oh ok I thought absurd
you're so weird
weird isn’t absurd
Like I care
Care is absurd
Here, your paper
Yes that’s absurd
Pepper isn’t absurd
Paper is absurd
Knees hurt
Pain absurd
Getting cold
Axe is here
Hear something
Shrieks absurd
Power gone
You where?
At absurdicity my dear.

In life it is so very rare that you meet someone that you truely like and that someone also happens to like you...to find is difficult to keep is an effort...a lot of care and concern ...it is just that much and we fail to achieve...

That smile, that look, that thing...its very delicate, very fragile, if you find it carry it with caution, handle it with care...

I wanted to say those above lines to someone. Composed a mail 5 times with those lines but couldn't send...What's the point in saying. If he wants to loose me so let it be...It's not that I didn't make efforts to tell him. He knows I like him. He liked me too...wonder where in the line does the things get screwed. I have absolutely no idea what happened to us. Why did we just drift away. I don't know if he wants to see me again, is he ever gonna call me again? What will happen if I bump into him someday at some common event? Will we talk? May be we won't. I have already known how it feels to pretend like you were absolute strangers. Some of the 'YOU' dies inside and you are only half alive then. If that happens again I would be full dead.

I should have written this post long time back... the very next day I wrote the previous post to be more precise. That's cause me and dad were back being the best of friends the very next day. We have these fights always and then we forget next minuite that's how it has always been. Though the legal intricacies about that flat is still not understood and sorted out, but as encounter specialist commented I have left things to him only to be prepared to handle things later, God forbid, if they go wrong.

USAID suddenly (to my knowledge) pulled out all the funds and the project I just joined 3 months back is being shut down. I was really exited bout this project. I would have done a great job, too bad I didn't even get a chance to perform and now All my bags are packed I'm ready to go...

At times I think I have screwed up my whole career and am a looser big time. In this profession (or all profession i geuss) we have a very single route to follow, a single pattern...if you deviate a little from that set pattern you can assume you are never getting back on track. 1-2 years of work as a junior, when you don't get paid anything, you do all the running around the Courts, the drafting, copying, filing...follow your senior with those huge files in your hand. Then, you ditch your senior one day (you obviously would, coz he never paid you and now you have learned all that you could from him) and move on to either join a law firm or join some Company as a law officer.

If you wanna be rich and busy litigation lawyer you have to give 3-4 more years in that same position of an underpaid junior associate...so that not only do you pick up the art of litigation from your senior but you also build a rapport with all those client's who are not really happy with the way your senior has been handling the matters and you also have convinced them that you can settle the matter in much lesser money and time. Having done so you moved on to have your independent practice, the list of your senior's unhappy clients being your inventory...

I have been continuesly falling off from this usual track. I was in practice, then I joined a social research project then back to corporate and now again research...

I realise the lawyer/liar business is not really from me and am also not made for the corporate ladder at the end of the day I want to be extensivly involved in Socio Legal activism and right now I think I should concentrate on gaining more and more research experience. I am thinking I should start independent practice with the woman cell and juvenile cell cases, do some freelance research and also get started the NGO with Khurram da and RK.

Tough year ahead...so much to do...need some money as well, got car loan to pay and also wanna move out. Movings out means an extra budget. How are things going to work out...??

I have begin to have a bad temper. Sis says I become devilish when I am angry, I don't throw things though but I yell. I have these difference of opinion with mom every now and then and I yell at her, I say bad things to her. She was saying if there aint any way to stop the fights then it would be wise to leave. I think so too... I wanna be alone. More and more alone. It seems I can't make no body happy. Sis was asking where from all these anger coming....where from I ask?? I think I should blame it on all the men around me. I gotta keep away from all men who don't fall in the category of father, brothers, cousins, uncles, grand pas and bosses. They all bother me. They create too much of heart ache and tension... I need peace.

I am once again convinced I am not gonna get into marriage. I am a terrible person I won't make a good wife or a mother. With me there my family will never have a peace of mind...No point getting into a mess deliberately. Why ruin someone's life, why bring a life and then ruin it...

I feel like writing a lot today but am sleepy now...my next post has to be about why am I so angry at all men (except those above catagories)

This is one of my post on the creativegarh community mailing list...The topic was about a defining moment in someone's life. An uncanny coincidence that makes a change for life...come to think of it now, I do have some such defining moments though the mail isn't exactly about that...Read on.

Hi

Not sure if I have any defining moment or not...Most probably I don't, but talking about paranormal I have had many incidents which has made me believe there's something spooky about me, like I have the power of making things happen. well Not exactly make happen whatever i want. Its like when I am deeply jealous (I am a jealous person) or when i am very angry that negetive energy within me does have some impact somwhere around me...

For eg..this one time i had a crush on this coleague of mine...we had a touring job and we used to travel in teams...Now before one such trip that he was about to go i was extremly jealous of this girl who was gonna be his tour partner...and i wanted to be there in her place. The night before the day he was about to leave, he met with an accident and he couldn't go. He wasn't badly hurt or anything but of course he coudn't travel for two consecutive trips. As a compensation he got a much longer trip and this time I accompanied him (our coordinator knew bout the crush :D) and yeah we had the time of our lives.

And that wasn't the only time. There was another time when I didn't want him to go...and our team coordinator had a sudden last minute change of mind and changed his travel plans

I have had many such coincidences. In School standard 4th, my class teacher made me stand outside the class the whole day, wasn't even allowed to have lunch...just coz I had forgot to get my class work copy....its been such a long time and I still feel that pain and agony...i stood silently all day while the world kept burning inside of me. After couple of days she took a long break from school. we didn't know why she wasn't coming. Later we heard she had lost one of her ailing parents (cant remember who).

I never wanted my sister to study in this particular college and her admission got screwed up inspite of having undergone the entire process properly...thereafter she got into JNU and now she thinks language is what she ever wanted to do and nothing could have been better than this.

There are more such things which I cannot publicly mention...

But I never wish or pray for anything to happen....don't believe God has any such scheme of granting or not granting people's prayers...

Another time it was when I had lost my grandpa, about two months later my Dad's uncle also passed away and about 15 days later this Uncle's daughter-in-law (My Aunt) too passed away. two-three days before her expiry I saw this dream, An UFO type flying vehichle taking off from our house's main gate two men and one woman onboard, smiling and waving at me. I could clearly identify one of the men as my Grandpa though I couldn't recall the faces of the other two people.

Not many people would believe....fact is I had second and third and fourth thoughts before writing this mail...but then there are really so many things one can't explain...

wow that's a long mail...gotta stop now..
take care everyone
C u around...

I wanna leave...I wanna leave...I wanna leave...I wanna leave...I wanna leave...I wanna leave...I wanna leave...I wanna leave...I wanna leave...I wanna leave...I wanna leave...I wanna leave...I wanna leave...I wanna leave...I wanna leave...

Take me away from here pleassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssse.

Sanjay today told me "you are a lawyer, how come you people are buying a flat in Khirki Extention". I wanted to bury myself in shame at that statement.

Dad would buy a flat in Khirki Extention. He would make the full and final payment and not want to see a single papers of the flat. And I can't ask why? Every time I say something there is a big drama in the house. This is going on for the past 4-5 months now. Even if I want, I can't keep my fucking mouth, which talks of the legal implications all the time, shut and his ego can't stand his daughter asking questions.

I am told to keep the hell out of the whole issue its none of my damn business.

More than half of the payment has already been made relying upon the builder's word. The other day the builder called up, "Arre aap paise leke kab aayenge hum ne to tenent rakh liya hai...saturday to shif kar jaayenge tenent" The builder would decide upon who is the tenent, how much rent would we get, when would the tenent shift. I can't talk about having a proper verification of the tenent being done. "How much security money are we getting?" The damn me asked. "There is no security money. That's how it works in khirki extention. The builder told me." is what dad answered me. I had an argument on this day before yesterday. "How can you not talk about security money. Everybody takes it." Dad got irritated and went to see the builder to call off the tenancy idea. Apparently the builder was pissed off at Dad's change of mind and said things like, "aap ne to humein be ijjat kar diya, aap hi ne to bolatha kiraya pe chadana hai, aap ka to koi baat ka kuch value hi nahi hai." Dad came back home fuming at me, I am responsible for all the bad things the builder told him. Such nice couple they were who wanted to take the flat on rent. Such nice and honest is the builder and dad had to let them down all because of my fucking mind which looks at innocent people with suspicion.

When I came back from work today I heard that tomorrow the full and final payment would be done. This bloody mouth had to speak out "have you seen the title deeds?" what about the papers?" "Papers are only given once the payment is done" came the answer. "How many houses have you bought and sold dad?" I was calm. "Shut up. Like you know a hell lot of it." yelled dad.

Earlier, I had once said just as a passing thought, I can have a chamber in that flat. "You don't know anything, you are incapable of having a chamber."

I can't take the disrespect he shows to me. I wanna be out of this house. I wanna leave Delhi. I will go to bombay and do mazdoori, i would break patthar, I would beg. I am leaving delhi whether or not I get a job in Bombay.
______________

Damn I can't leave right away....My friend needs me desparately...

From the archives

This post is from the past..., feel it was a good para I worte so am just re posting it...

‘This is my truth’ was the theme of my blog. I started it coz there were, and still are, these times when I want to talk a lot about my life but no one to listen to...I thought I would share the bizarre truth of my life, which I think are stranger than fictions, but then where is the truth? What is my truth? What more is it than another sappy old story of love lost and heart break. Who doesn't have these stories and then what the hell do I know about other's story that I go about thinking my story is strange. Truth.

Truth is I don't have a story.
Just some scattered scribbled sheets.
‘Is the glass half empty or half full’ they ask.
Truth is there is no glass,
just a heap of crackled earthen pots,
scattered petals,
twisted pencil skins,
few old photographs,
few old wrapping papers,
few old crumpled movie tickets
with the name of the movie goers
written on the back of it by me,
some office vouchers,
certain visions when i close my eyes,
certain sounds I suddenly hear,
certain smell I suddenly find familiar,
some broken dreams, some sleepless nights,
some premeditated coincidences,
some long phone calls
and the subsequent phone bills…
all passing by.

The train is moving fast. But I wish it was moving faster and faster and faster. So that all the bits and pieces of my eventful life passes by in such lightening speed that I don’t even have the time to recollect them and frame in my blog.

Ryze Mixer

Glad I went ahead for the Ryze Mixer. It was fun meeting everybody. Am looking forward to more such meets. The drive back home was an amazing experience. The road all thorough had a terrible fog but was thickest on the new flyover connecting Dwarka and the Dhaula Kuan Crossing. The minuite I took this road I felt like I have come to a nowhere. I couldn't even see the bonnet of my car. You won't believe it untill you have seen it. It was blinding. Scary and exiting. I couldn't help taking a couple of pics while driving. Wanted to pull over but that was too risky at 10.30 in the night. The scene was amazing.

Happy days and Merry times are here again, bringing along that same feel of solititude and melancholy. I hate this. Last time it was Diwali and before that Dussherah. Everytime these festivals are here people around me would ask me questions I don't like to answer. "What's your christmas plan, what's New Year plan?" 'Nothing'. I have to answer. To make it sound like more of a choice and less of a pathetic helplessness, to avoid all sort of sympathy, I came out with my own theory onf why we need not celebrate a festival I told people with a desperate refusal to be vulnerable to pain, "I don't celebrate a festival, I celebrate a cause...My celebration is not restricted to the Calander."

Christmas is here, I have 3 days of holidays, I could have made a weekend trip to somewhere nearby, but I need atleast 1 company. But I never find a company for doing the things I want to do...Last I walked alone was in the John Primer show. Before that it was the Hutch Delhi Run. Heard from somewhere that there is an offline meet, a Christmas bash of Ryze members. Ya I am a member of Ryze, I am a member of all such networks for 'seeking someone, whether desperately or not, singles'. Ok I know Ryze is a business Network and not a dating club, So? Tell me which single is not seeking someone... So last night I decided to go for the meet. And ever since I have decided my own line is coming back to haunt my mind again and again..."I was less lonely when I was alone." Why am I going there? Just to reaffirm my emptyness? Why do I like doing this to myself? I can sit at home and read something. I can finish the unfinished posts. Is it going to make me feel any better to go there alone and come back alone.

Loneliness Actually sucks...if you are reading it, just agreet with it. Don't leave a comment saying it doesn't sucks...

And Kreeti if you reading this don't think I am being a loner here and trying to sulk, I am not. I am going there alright, and be rest assured I would be wearing the flashiest smile on my face and the brightest spark in my eyes...
__________________________
The two never spoke
The silence never broke
but they fell in love...

these lines just came to mind yesterday...
___________________________

When two people with great flair for writing have their way at romance, what you have is excellent 'reads'. The exchange of letters between Elizabeth Barret Browning and Robert Browning are one of the best piece of writing...The story of the Browning couple is so fascinating too, in yer youth she sufferred from some disease and was bed ridden. She reached out to the world only through her poems. Robert Browning, 6 years younger to her, fell in love with her reading her poems...For years together they didn't meet and the love affair happened only through exchange of love letters... Finally she eloped and married Robert.

I have already put an example of couple of exchange of mails that I have had, which made a good read . Here is more...

Me:-
The ever so wild and crazy, the ever so passionate and weird, wish I could I have an adventour with you, you could be my greatest challenge...

He:- (Original lines sent to me via sms)
What you call an adventour
is nothing more than a nightmare
Thats why I tell all the nightingales
not to fly towards the brigh glares

Its been long...have got a lot to write from my past, a lot of interesting stories couple of them are lying in the draft stage...would be out soon.

Meanwhile this is how the Delhi bloggers Meet go...read about it and please leave a comment.

http://delhiwecare.blogspot.com/2005/12/ixth-delhi-bloggers-meet-18th-december.html

I am happy these days...

Results of utter boredom...thank God I got a camera wala cell

random thoughts

How we keep hearing this term "True Love". I say, love is never true or false. The people involved might be, the circumstances might be but love in itself is like God. Not true not false, not black not white...colorless, shapeless, ageless, timeless...Love is just love. It gives you the same feeling even if it is offered by the person who is not true. Its like when you think the other person loves you, you might be wrong, may be the person lied to you, may be the person is two timing, but till that time you find the truth out, what you feel in your heart is LOVE. There's no truth or false about it.
____________________________________

If hearts were blogs and if you link your blog to a woman's blog, and if you keep visiting her blog everyday and keep leaving sweet comments there, eventually she would link her blog to your blog, she would no matter how dumb your blog is....Its automatic

The Delhi Blogger's December Meet - IX th DBM

The Perfect season for an outdoor activity. The perfect sun for a photo shoot and the perfect timing for a Cricket match. We decided to have a DBM with a difference this time. So here is the plan. Date 18th December, Sunday

Suggestions and improvements are always welcome and appreciated.

So we meet up at Humayuns tomb at 11am that gives us ample opportunity to bask in the winter sun. After the initial round of introductions (we have nothing against squares,triangles and other assorted geometric figures) we shall proccede to our photography show/tell/teach thingy ahich will be (hopefully) followed by a cricket/football match....this match can also act as a photo subject for some who are more inclined to photography and do not want to dirty thier clothes with cricket/shriket...football/shhotball.

ah...the games will be followd by lunch....which we can all go and eat at some joint or we can order takeaways and have a picnic in the sun......!!!

with time and consensus some gaana bajaana will be appreciated....loads of fun expected...but only if you are there.

oh and you need not be a blogger to be there (MSM spys are welcome too.....we are armed this time...lol) so you can bring along your freinds, brothers,sisters,aunties,uncles ....whatever....be there!!

Original invitation mail posted by Pradster on Delhi Blogger's Yahoo Group mailing list. However the invitation is open to all. So if you are you are some one who writes a blog, reads a blog, wishes to do so in future and has been doing so in the past...and if you are in Delhi on 18th Please Join us.

Don't worry about meeting a bunch of strangers...none of us bite... :P You'll have a good time PROMISE

RSVP

Twilight Fairy
Pradster
Me
Delhi Bloggers

We all have heard the song "I'd do anything for love" by Meatloaf. I found this hilarious letter to Mr. Meatloaf.

An open letter to Meatloaf:
Dear Mr Loaf,
In your hit single I Would Do Anything For Love, you claim, "I would do anything for love, but I won't do that". [My italics.] A willingness to do anything for love, sir, implies a readiness to pursue literally any course of action that might be of benefit to love, up to and including "that". If you persist in attaching limits and conditions to what you are prepared to do for love, you should amend your lyrics to reflect this, and make your position clear to a confused public.

"Whilst I am prepared to go to not inconsiderable lengths for love, I feel I must draw the line at that," would better describe your state of mind, given the current qualified nature of your commitment to love.

Yours sincerely,

Harry Hutton.

Read the Original here.

Finally my pic on the blog... some of the child hood pics. I have re taken the printed pics then with my webcam, just wanted to put them here, couldn't wait to get them scanned. Sorry bout the quality would scan them and update this space. The present day image is coming soon...

Don't they both look stunning

Passport size photo for school admission in delhi, was 8 plus

On my Tenth Birthday...

One of my few beutiful pics, with ma and masi, was 7/8

:) Sanju Boss in the making...

Not sure which year/month

I guess, was 3. Fancy Dress competition

haven't spoken to D for long and nor do I want to...

S2 and K may end up owing their marriage (ok I know I am acting crazy) to me...just like S3+P, M+S4, M2+M3 did... God Bless all of you couples.

Got my look changed, spent couple of hours and some freaking money in the parlour today...sometimes material things makes you happy.

Some girl said to this guy, and this guy came and told me that the girl told him that I am always looking for dates...as in am always chasing men. I don't know this girl at all except that she happens to be a friend of another of my friend and my friend keeps talking to her bout me...and my friend tells me she is very fond of me, but from what this guy tells me about what she told him about me, it seems she is NOT very fond of me, She also leaves nice comments on my blog and she also the other day added me on yahoo messenger [PERIOD] now which of these Fucking people to be believed [PERIOD] and from where do people get this Idea...I do all that I can to resist a man...

was looking at some of my child hood pics...I used to be cute

[PERIOD]

Wish S falls in love with me...Don't know him that well, except that he is this macho guy with a golden heart and great smile but I like him. Given the dreamer I am, might even say 'yes' if it happens hoping the rest would simply follow... There was this one time, he had called and I said "S I think you forgot your shoes there." he said, "No I haven't. I got my shoes with me but I have forgot my heart over there." I quickly responded, "aha tell me with who?" But he just laughed it away. I wanna write more about S here, but am afraid he might find out.

Can someone please tell me where can I find some hope? Yes I have looked within me...couldn't find it there..life is so stuck, professionally, personally, am trying to stay positive but its getting harder and harder... badly need some hope...

Its Sunday 10 pm and I am about to go to catch some sleep, an occassion so very rare that I actually have to blog about (i mean am wishing to blog about it but can't cause am too tired for creating a post) Mostly on any given day I am awake till 1 am. This weekend was so exeptionally tiring.

A minor heart ache
A small accident
a heated argument,
lots of police
FIR
Claims Tribunal...

All Coming up...

As soon as I gain some energy.

These day's I am reading the autobiography of Lord Denning. I too would be writing one na...so taking some tips from him... :D But of all the people why him. Well there's a reason. You know I feel a strange connection with him ever since I came to know that I shared my Birthday with him...I think I was Lord Denning in my past life (that can't be cause he was alive till 1999)

Me and Denning also happen to Share our birthdays with Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose.

Soon after marriage Prithviraj's Sanjukta decided to study law and aspired to become Lord Denning. In Law college she became a rebel bole to ekdum politician. You know khali pili dharna naare baazi...Udhar Md.Ghori attacked Prithviraj and captured him. Sanjukta called a meet of all her college mates and asked for their blood...matlab she formed an army and declared war against Ghori to resucue prithviraj...prithiviraj to was rescued but panga yeh hua that he got very confused about Sanjukta. Soch ne laga is this the girl I married. She seems to be having multiple personalities. But prithiraj's love was true, so he didn't mind the new avtaar of hers. And they lived happily ever after (well not really more tales to come)

Jees...isn't it enough of crap. Who the hell want's more.

Stupid fairy and Dear Nitish

The modern day bollywood is finally making a movie on the eternal Love of Sanjukta and Prithviraj Chauhan. Finally people would pronounce my name properly... I remember having read their love story when I was 6 or 7, in an Amar Chitra Katha comic. Can't remember much now just this bit, that this guy prithviraj was a King and he was in love with this girl Sanjukta. At 6 it wasn't really my fault if I thought that girl was me. So this king wanted to marry her. Ofcourse marry, TP dating, flirting, living in and stuffs weren't known at that time of the historical clock. As always some panga happened and their marriage didn't appear to be a easy job. Then this guy decided to abduct Sanjukta on her wedding day of course she had already given her consent to the plan.

I still remember the scene, which my mind had visualised at that age.....Sanjukta was probably standing at a palace gate or something, prithvijraj was on his horse, sword in one hand, the mighty horse running at a speed faster than wind...heading right at her direction, he comes close by and lifts Sanjukta with the other hand puts her on the horse and they elope....they must have lived happily ever after. I don't know but they must have.

Mom why did you buy the comic for me. And why did you have to name me Sanjukta. Do you realize what have you done to your daughter. This stupid girl still cannot accept that its just her name that's similar.

Stupid fairy and her stupid tales.............
___________________________________________________

Dear Nitish
Say, are we gonna see a new day
Please Nitish
when there's a will there's a way

‘Shreshtha Purush’– Rama
Valmiki,
Prince Gautam and his enlightenment,
Mahavira and Nirvana
Kautilya and Arth Shastra
Moder art of State Craft
Ashoka and Eternal truth – Dharma
Amrapali and Sarvottam Nari – Sita
Civil Disobedience Movement

All born out of the same womb....Mother Bihar

They say History Repeats itself.

Will it, Nitish?
Has the day come
Can we get back the warmth of our mother's lap
We the sons and daughters of Bihar
Can we stop evacuating
Can we have civilization restored
Lots of hope on you
You the people’s representative
15 years is all it took
How long is it gonna take you?

No one ever got me flowers. Never.......... can you believe that??
There are more things about me which are unbelievable that you can possibly think of. And that's why I call it "This is my truth"...
Truth which is stranger than fiction,
Truth more scary and bewildering than fiction....
____________________________________________________
"Once I can understand it
Twice I can let it be
Three times it one too many now
You'll have to do without me"
____________________________________________________

Can Any body guess what is this???

I went ahead alone for the concert. My first ever Jazz concert, John Primer and The Real Deal Blues Band. It was good. Can't say if it was great or not coz I don't listen to a lot of Jazz.

Saw Harneet, and Mrs. and Mr. Deepan there. The world is small they say and if your areas of interest and subjects and places of hangouts is the same then the world becomes even smaller. I always knew this. Always knew I am gonna bump into Harneet at once such event. And like always I also knew he is never gonna even recognise me. Just the way Munish never did. The ideological differences were too much between me and Harneet so I guess we could never be friends...but I never wanted us to be strangers either. But you always don't have what you want. I would always be thankful to Harneet for introducing me to the blogger's community. Had it not been for him I wouldn't have attended any of the blog meets. Would always remember those long hours of chat...that one fun time when we had a non formal 'mini meet' (as Ravi puts it). Harneet, Ravi, Amit, Vivek and Me. Ironically, when I had joined the DBM the best welcome messages came from these people who now hate me. Deepan was so exited about my introductory mail. Amit and I had some intersting exchange of mails till the time we met in that informal meet. (after which for reasons unknown to me, we never called, or mailed or smsd) And then while the firefighting was going on between me and Harneet, the most malice ful mail was from Amit. He accused me of being responsible for the downfall of the group. He accused me of having creating nothing else but trouble for the group ever since I have joined.

Anyway I don't blame anyone...I know I am jinxed. I keep telling it to everyone but no body believes me. The closest you come the farthest you would be repelled.

"Sab log dhyan se suniye, abhi aapko Room No. *** mein jaana hai. Wahan aapko ek written test dena hoga. 20 questions hoga sab ke char answer honge, teen galat ek sahi. Aap wahan jaayenge hamara pen dikhayenge, Aapko question bilkul nahi padna hai, kisi bhi ek option pe tick maarna hai. I repeat, quetions padke time waste mat kariye aapke peeche aur bhi log honge isliye jaldi se pen dikhaiyee, 18 question pe tick maarke jaakar bus mein baith jayenge. Shaam ko hamare office se learner license collect kar lena."

Check out my latest post on the Community BLOG "Bribe Rates for Delhi"

Suggestions, Ideas, Criticism...all welcome.

Its so disgusting...of all the friends I have, all the men I have known all my families, aquaintances...not a single person to accompany me to a Jazz concert. I am so sick and tired of bhatkofying at places all by myself. I so wanna go to this music show today in Garden of 5 Senses but can't ask anyone to come with me. Do I have such weird likes and dislikes that I never find a like minded person. Or is somthing horribly wrong with the people in Delhi...I am sure I would have had some company for all the things I like to do if I was in Bombay or Bangalore. Alas...when will that day come? Delhi has no culture but shopping... All my female friends today would be engrossed in their house hold work...will do laundry, shop for grocery, fight with husbands, cook eat and that's all. Can you people be a little different, can you not do some thing new and exiting. And the male friends S is busy attending a marriage, S2 most probably would be busy he mentioned about an about an office tour this weekend, A doesn't likes Jazz, M is missing for days and even if he was available he wouldn't have gone I know, D, I did a stupid mistake of kissing him so now he thinks we are not friends and somthing else and I wouldn't call him cause then he would start assuming more things about me. Haven't yet called G and P they might be interested but then there's another f*%^#$% trouble... I have this guy who tentatively asked me out for the evening. Now it would be great if he confirms it. If he doesn't confirms I can call G and P and find out if they are available....trouble is I am not sure when is this guy gonna confirm or cancel the evening plan. Shit what am I gonna do...

"I suggest Samy take out the damn car..drive around do a couple of things and go to the concert...what did Tagore said....when no body is answering your call...walk alone"

Of course you needn't tell me that I already know... If this guy calls fair enough otherwise I'd see if somone can make it at the last minuite otherwise I'd go alone...

I am leaving now you keep sitting with the stupid machine

And the clock struck 12

Presenting "Cinderella and her two hours love story" The wonderful exchange of mails between cinderela and the prince before the clock struck 12 .

Dear Cinderella (Fake name)

To cut through the crap this mail's connection can be traced to the "Best (Fake name) poets" and your sudden sphinx like silence. considering that that the esteemed forum has banned any sort of personal interaction as also spelling mistakes I am making this overture.

My incidental identitly matches yours if you remember i.e. lawyer. What are u bout and where. Please do reply.

Prince Charming (Fake name, hence forth fakely referred to as PC)
--------------------------------------------------------
Dear PC

My silence on 'best' is kinda forced, i somhow don't identify with the way the list works...i mean its ok to say that personal communication is not allowed on the list but to object to a welcome message and ban it as too personal was a bit too much for me. I am talking about a mail RJ (fake) wrote to me and also cc marked you. I was kinda pissed off with that mail.

Besides that I find the poets on Best as a bunch of guys not so humble and kinda suedo...disagree with me as much as you can and want...the point is Best just didn't click with me. May be my level of poetry is not as high as the Bestians...

Me a lawyer as for now in corporate, still struggling to make a mark in my career, still suffering from identity crisis as to whether I am a social activist or a corporate bitch (u can read my blog on that) or just an ordinary girl…have worked for a while in a women’s rights organization then did some research activity in a strange place (will explain later) and now working with Fortis Securities Limited (wholly owned by Ranbaxy). No we don’t make medicines and don’t supply security guards. We are a stock broking company. Me a part of the Legal and Compliance Department.

Why am I on Bestpoets? I follow another mailing group that of the bloggers of which RJ too is a part. He had put this post about a "Best poet meet" last month which I attended for some reason still unknown to me. As a reward for attending the meet he added my name on the Best Poet's list. As far as poetry is concerned I do sometimes write some crappy lines which are found to be great piece of writing by people who are not part of Best or any other poetry circle (which explains), but have never dared to post any thing on the Best list except this one translation of a short para from Tagore’s Shyama…you must have read it in case you were a part of the mailing list then…

What about you? Research or Litigation? How long have you been a lawyer? Why are you on Bestpoets? You from delhi?

That’s it for today…

(I know you would) reply (just dunno how) soon

bye
--------------------------------------------------

'course I would reply. very very caught up today. cannot write much. but i agree with you. Best is not up my creek too. Too literary and all that kind of thing. I like my poetry hard nosed and my poets should be more in touch with the world. This dreamy soppiness is not my idea of fun.

I litigate in Delhi for the last about ten years. From Defence Colony. I am a litigating lawyer.

Write more about you.

Bye
PC
------------------------------------------
Dear PC

Hi, well you are so much senior to me. I have been a lawyer for the past 3 years. been in delhi for the past 21 years..here in R K Puram. So you have a law firm or something?

you had asked to write more about me, well i think I already wrote too much in reply to your couple of lines in the last mail...and your reply to my long mail is again quite concise...so I am not too sure what to write in this one.

And more particularly given your seniority I am not too sure in what direction should our conversation go, so would highly appreaciate if you write me in more details about yourself.

So do write in

bye
-----------------------------------------------

Hi Cinderella

Ha Ha Ha!! This is so funny.. So u think that u are being entrapped by some libidinous, pot-bellied, skirt chasing, pan chewing vakil whose favourite past time is neatly divided between arguing rent matters in cloistered sweaty court rooms and going to seedy pubs and drinking himself silly over cheap whisky and doubtful soda.

U know I had really thought u to be cool and bindaas. It was reflected in the way u wrote ur mails. was I wrong? I hope I was right.

What is this "much senior to me", "considering ur seniority"? God! am I corresponding in shaadi.com or something?!

My practice is in the High Court. I have my office in B4-20, Self Defence Colony (Fake) where I work with another two pals (we are not partners just share office space). I am a lawyer who does a lot of matters relating to contract, property and matrimony (or whatever remains of it by the time my clients reach me). I was schooled in DPS and did my law from CLC. I started practice in the year 1995.

I was concise earlier as I did not have the time. there is not much to say anyway.

My dad was in the Army. He is retired now. I live in NOIDA. I shall write more. provided u do not start calling me sir or something as horrible as that!

Don't mind my jest. Have fun;
Bye PC
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Well Well PC,

How could you underestimate my skills to comprehend a human mind so easily, that you assumed, that I am assuming you to be <some libidinous, pot-bellied, skirt chasing, pan chewing vakil whose favorite past time is neatly divided between arguing rent matters in cloistered sweaty court rooms and going to seedy pubs and drinking himself silly over cheap whisky and doubtful soda> On the very contrary, to begin with, for your not so bengali nomenclature I had assumed you to be a smart and street smart (u r a lawyer) intellectual (u r a bengali) well read (u are in Best). That was before when you first mailed in Best.

The second impression that's after reading your prev mail, I assumed you are this rich, successful workaholic Attorney somewhere in your mid 30s kinda like Richard Gere in Primal Fear and quite a few more movies of his. Since I respect my own profession too much and believe in maintaining the hierarchy I thought its not a good idea to be the kickass me which I generally am...and you know something particularly after that incident on Best with Mr. M I am so damn ashamed of my mindlessly rude behavior...I mean what if you are another person of stature as high as Mr. M (assuming you have read his bio)...so I was acting reserved.

Finally the third impression, which was formed just moments ago...I am too cool for you...:D kidding. You must be in your early 30s (31-32), single, cool fun loving, u like reading, traveling, music, don’t chew pan but smoke classic regular, drink Royal wine and whiskey at the hottest restro bars in Delhi etc.etc.

How do I assume all that Coz most men can be categorized...and i just put you into one of the few. Don't mind my rudeness you preferred me to be cool and bindaas right? Lemme know how good my categorization was (I wish I am wrong coz I don't like conventional, usual and predictable) and also ask me whatever you wanna ask

Till then Bye, Cinderella
-------------------------------------------------------

Marlboro lights my dear and not Classic Regular (those wretched foul smelling cigarettes). Always wanting to quit but can't. A cigarette or two a day can't harm u surely. The good life- wine (a nice Californian Chard) or single malt occasionally has not harmed humankind as much as idle gossip or research on fissile pyrotechnics. Wot say thou?

Yes men can be slotted/categorized. What about women then. This film crazy, 25, talkative, over articulate, pleasant looking woman (with trendy specs?). this non-litigation lawyer, provocative in her words but cautious in her conduct, misunderstood easily by the shallow and the wretched, who speaks too soon and then repents in leisure, outwardly very confident but slightly insecure otherwise. this femme of glorious contradictions this classy babe - this Sanjukta (with apologies to William Shakespeare -refer Richard-III).

I do not think u are rude. If people do not like a bit of provocation then I pity them :-).

Who wants to communicate on the basis of bio-datas. Can communication be turned into language of inter-departmental memos??? Forget this bio data of Mr. M - I frankly give a damn.

I have hated hierarchy all my life. Have u read the "the Peter Principle". It is a hilarious essay on something that is called hierarchiology (the study of hierarchies). The main principle is that all human beings in a hierarchy finally rise to their level of incompetence. I found it to be so funny.

Ur categorization was interesting. Was it right?? Well u forgot to add "substance abuse" (i love cocaine) and that embarrassing twitch on the right side of my face, which has made me, face contempt proceedings before the Hon'ble Court so many times. And what about my fetish for wearing silk bandannas on Thursdays and my craze for handcuff when making out on the back seat my snazzy black Jaguar. Hey - I am just fooling around. But what I want to say is that to be unpredictable or different is not that great in all situations. There is a comfort in being regular and sound. Any thoughts on this???

So u have long hair??? Tell me how precise was my above categorization of you.

PC

Btw I loved being compared to Richard Gere but on a more critical self-assessment I think I look more like Johnny Depp ;-)
---------------------------------------------------------
hi

Its been a long wait I know…c’mon don’t tell me you were not waiting eagerly for my reply.

Surprisingly the rest of the assessment which doesn’t form part of my physical appearance (talkative, over articulate, non-litigation lawyer, provocative in her words but cautious in her conduct, misunderstood easily by the shallow and the wretched, who speaks too soon and then repents in leisure, outwardly very confident but slighly insecure otherwise) is freaking correct…How did you know???

So the round of introduction, building, laying and imposing and impression and general prediction is over…what next? Hobbies and interest I guess…’Change’ that’s what I am interested in and that’s what my hobby is. I cant tell you my hobby is to sing coz I would soon change my hobby…but music have been quite persistent a pastime for me. The two personalities within me gives a wide range of choices from… [some names of music artist not forming part of this story edited...]

Bye

Till then

-------------------------------------------
One Mail from PC snipped here but Cinderella's parawise reply would make the context clear....

Hey hold it. Don't jump to conclusions please. An emotional Bong aren't u. Who in the dickens has said I won't reply. U forget I was the one who sent the first mail out of the blue. Do justice here mon chic

‘Emotional bong’ what exactly do u mean by this? Which part is not acceptable to you ‘emotional’ or ‘bong’. I am none and yet both…I don’t know under which sign I was born but I think it would be water…coz that’s what I am.

"Was away to Bangalore for a case the entire last week and have
just returned today. I was so god-damned busy with custody battles, guardianship
issues, wailing spouses, frowning judges, screaming lawyers, stubborn court
procedures that I do not think I even called my mother more than once. The
question of replying or even accessing my mail did not arise for
me."

Wow, you have some flair for writing…even a courtroom can be poetic it seems.

"Now I do not even know which of the two mails of ur mails should I reply to. Both, as u shall appreciate, are of decidedly different flavours."

And that was just tip of the iceberg. I have many more flavours and colors within and don’t make me start with when and how frequently shall I change them…like I said before…Change…aah such a beautiful word. To give u an example I just arranged an independence weekend trip to haridwar rishikesh along with my school time friend. When everything was all set I decided to change my mind and am now going to a leisure trip to Hotel Clark Shiraj in Agra at the company expense. My only defense “I am selfish, opportunist and a miser”.

"Btw I read ur blog just now. How I thought of ur non-physical attributes was matter of guess work. Just to keep u guessing. Perhaps I am somebody u already know. Working in ur office or something like that. Perhaps I have been stalking u for the last month or so. That shady lukin' guy who follows u over the distance every morning when u leave for work. ha ha ha But I did get the glasses right. U do wear glasses don't u? My taste in music is different. For me music is not a carefully acquired taste. I listen to whatever and wherever. A part of my very promiscuous personality ;-). What do I like. I shall tell u some day. "

Ok am waiting…

Bye

PS. I don’t like silence much
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S, (or C)

In law we call it a para-wise reply in seriatum. So though u have certainly made out a strong case for ur unpredictable predilections (which is so very fascinating), ur method to express it remains very common law i.e. traversing each and every assertion in order to set out ur defence(offence??). There was a patent mistake in my mail though (which I am sure was ignored only because of ur graciousness ) - there is nothing like "mon chic". It ought to have been "mon cher".

As advised I shall not hazard guesses on ur persona. But I like selfishness or did someone call it enlightened self interest. Its nice to know that u have so many flavours and colours. U sound a bit like a fancy ice cream counter. Iridescent, cool, tempting and simply delicious ;-). I do adore rum and raisin. Do u have it in u??

I would have liked a holiday too. Agra shall be hot. But knowing u I guess u shall be either at the pool or at the bar or then perhaps attending a conference.. But frankly u sound slightly guilty about ditching ur school friend. Ur bravura, if I may say so, sounds a bit too brazen. I don't think that u are the one to walk over corpses. U overestimate urself there.

My kind of music is listening to myself sing when it is raining and I am driving and a cigarette smolders and the destination is far far away. Just kiddin'. I am neither that poetic nor self obsessed.

I shall certainly sms u. Even if u are selfish, opportunist and a miser. so what. I guess its high time that I had some friends with such decent virtues.
PC
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Dear PC

GB Shaw said, “the perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post”. I can never find more apt words to describe most of my love or whatever affairs and this is exactly what I would tell you if you had romance in your mind when you wrote the first mail to me (I would have serious doubts if you say you didn’t have). I like people who know what they want and can confidently ask for it without creating many verbal traps for the listener. So if you have romance in mind do confess…if you ask me I can smell romance every where and I could smell romance in all your mails and have tried my best to put that same essence in all my replies. Now, coming to the significance of the quote. Look, frankly speaking by the way you write, the words you use for me, in my mind you are someone no less than Shakespeare’s Romeo (assuming you have seen Baz Luhrman’s Romeo and Juliet) (I am a little more dreamy than I should be) and the way you describe the sanjukta that is there in your mind she is no less than Juliet either…well a more intelligent Juliet may be. But we both know that we could be dangerously wrong in our perceptions you could be Nana Patekar and I could be Mayawati (I could seriously be, mind you)

To cut the crappy story short whenever I have started something on net it has come to a bad end becoz either romeo or Juliet has been hazardously disappointed once they came out of the virtual world and met in person. Offlate I have completely deleted dating and romancing from my life for various reasons which I may tell you or may be you’ll read them in my Autobiography. Until Friday I thought you would be restricted to the virtual world only and that’s why I didn’t pick up your phone. I didn’t want to give a human voice to my fantasy. But then I thought over it. I should get real I gotta come out of my dream land.

So before I walk any further in my dreamland let’s both of us give each other an opportunity to get the real picture and avoid bigger disappointment. May be next Sunday provided I finish of the tasks I scheduled for yesterday on the next Saturday… :D. But if you think we need not meet and can continue to be some kind of email friend do lemme know it will be fine by me.

My Agra trip was good but not great, like I said I didn’t know any body besides my own dept. I still don’t know them. Either they were not very friendly or they found me unfriendly. I mostly spent time with myself, which wasn’t that bad I did miss a special someone’s company though. Particularly when I was burning the dance floor without a partner. More than 3 hrs…wonder how will it be with a partner…drinks weren’t a part of the luxury trip and there was no time to go to the bar or order room service…

Anyways, that’s it for today

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12th August

Cinderella

I shall not enter into a parawise reply. It is boring. So I shall try to be spontaneous. My heart rebels against explanatory emails and I would rather flirt around or talk mischievously but something in ur mail has made me sit up and inspired me to talk straight ( a thing which I hate doing ).

When I wrote the first mail I was intending to include provocation in my life. In other words - cut through the boring claptrap of day to day existence. But I am not a romance hunter. That is not to say that I do not like the idea of romance. But I do not think that one can imagine a romance with a person one has not even seen. Disembodied communications do not make for romance. It takes a visual effect to give any credence to such a strong feeling.

Why I mailed u was simple. I was delighted by ur chutzpah and ur spontaneity in that cess pool of high culture -"Best poets". Remember the - "i sometimes say what I mean but sometimes I mean what I don't say" mail to the Best poets collective??? In other words I found u interesting. There was nothing less and nothing more. When I parodied Shakespeare's "King Richard the Second" I was not comparing u to Juliet. The take off was on John the Gaunt talking about England when he says - this pearl set among silver seas, this beautiful land, this England - or words to similar effect. So my take off was rather secular and had nothing to do with schmaltziness. It was a mail of a person impressed with the words of a woman and not her beauty; at least not yet :-). So this Johny Depp or Cleopatra conundrum was a mere tongue in cheek exercise and nothing more.

I could be Nana Patekar yes. and u could be Mayawati (no no - no one can combine crassness with superlative ugliness like that woman) but how does it matter. I may be a romantic but I am a lawyer too. A divorce lawyer who has seen the rather seamy side of the product of foolish romance - marriage, a bit too often to be having any rosy ideas..

Do I have romance in mind - NO! I have something better in mind. The joy of meeting an exciting person. I have no doubt that we have to meet. I cannot speak for u but I have no doubt that I shall be very happy to meet u. I feel it in my bones that we are people who are meant to meet up but have been separated due to the chance factor of an erratic destiny. Its time to undo the error.

when to meet up. As I keep on saying whenever. Sms me and I shall be there (unless I amy dying or some f**k**g client is wanting to kill me with his litany of sob stories).

Will it be a disappointment. Your best buddy could be right. Perhaps yes. Perhaps not. But I do not disappoint. And it is not because I look like Johny Depp, its because I am PC with all my flaws etc.

See u soon
PC

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The above chain of mails started on 24th of July. The last mail from PC was on 12th August....on 28th of August this is what was on Cinderella's mind....she finally found him.
But Cinderella knew its not gonna stay...she couldn't dream beyond a point....

I, Cinderlla in the above story, suddenly decided to meet him one fine day. I was with Manoj and was hanging around his office. I called up and asked if he'd like to meet up over a cup of coffee though Manoj would be there. He quicky said sure....we met....Nothing after that.

I have once smsd asking "hey whatever happened to our knowing each other more? are we even gonna be friends or not? Yes is my answer tell me yours." "yes, absolutely." He replied. Well then ask me out you silly I thought in my mind, but he didn't. Since then no call, no sms, no mails. I bumped into him couple of times in High Court and would see him again there someday...

This is what I had on my mind on 2nd of Sepetember The Sequel to "To be continued"